Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize