Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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