1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
