I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
