Yo dont text me then not text me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
