I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
