Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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