so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
