We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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