he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
