i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
