Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
