Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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