I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
