physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
