I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
