I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
