I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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