the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
