All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
