Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize