I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
