Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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