you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
