Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
