Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Im part way to drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
