Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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