I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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