Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
