Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
