my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
