Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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