I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
