it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
