my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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