I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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