he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize