; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
