THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
