worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
