I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
