i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
