And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need water and some morals
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
