At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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