I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
