piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
