Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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