I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
