I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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