i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
