I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
