hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize