you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
