apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
