Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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