WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize