I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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