the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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