I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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