i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm passing your future prison.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
