I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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