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I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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