I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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