I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
