I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
