I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
