I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
