Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That accounts for only three of the penises
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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